Who has a big butt?

Puhleeze, I am  standing up for my sisters with junk in the trunk.  Mrs. Obama does not have a lot of junk in her trunk but baby has back and it looks good on her.  Why would I want a flat ass?  Why would I want an ass that has a pear or other strange shape.  Get real Congressman you and the rest of your ilk are mad as a hen in a cat hotel because the majority of your wives are not as good looking as Mrs. Obama.  Not only is she good looking, she is smart and probably smarter than many of you.  These haters have little to nothing to work with.  No drama, no baby daddy, just their ignorance that BBW (Beautiful Black Women) are endowed by their Creator with certain unbelievable assets.
So continue to hate that she can wear sleevless dresses and your wife cannot.  Hate that when she spoons with her man, Mr. President, he is a happy man that baby got back.  She has more class than the majority of the men and women in Congress presently and I am proud to finally have a woman in the White House that does not have to go to AA with her spouse, or stand by her man as he apologizes to the nation for his indiscretions and most of all I am proud she is a beautiful Chocolate Woman.

Have a Happy Holiday!

No Where to Go

Where do you go to hide from yourself?  Under a bridge?

This is depression and I know that but it does not hurt any less to think of the what ifs.
Crying does not help only makes my eyes swollen and my nose red.  Screaming at the top of my lungs helps a little.  What would make me feel so much better is to knock the sh..t out of someone.  To curse them with every vile word in my vocabulary and then kick their ass down a couple flight of stairs.  That would make me feel better.  Maturity is for the birds because back in the day I would have kicked some ass and to hell with what others thought.  I wish I had the one person I need to lean on now.  Her calmness could help me navigate this forest of brittle broken dreams of happy forever.  I  am amazed at the injustice of being a human being on this planet without the necessary tools to release you from sorrow, or change the path of heartache, depression.  I sound so sad and sorry but today I have to be.  Tomorrow I will pull my stilettos on and do what I need to do but today I need to wallow.

I had a friend who I thought was wonderful but I finally saw her flaws.  When I relocated she was the only person I knew but she never saw the real me who needed a big hug and reassurance.  I think I am more disappointed because she will never be the friend she was and I have lost another friend to the tent of associate.  I am not a Pollyanna but I do believe that most of the people I know are good people.  I want more for me.  I do not want to be famous, I could use more money but that is not what I want or need.  I want and need a  quietness of soul.  I want to be a strong tree in a meadow surrounded by peaceful flowers blooming.  I have run here and there for so long, and I still do at times but, I need a major change.  I will sweep away the dis tractors, distractions, fffvr (fake friends forever)  and those on a divergent path to my peace of mind and spirit.  Goodbye to all of you.  K, you are a condescending, insensitive person who would need a road map and GPS to find  your way to real emotions.  So throw you into a hole somewhere outside my universe.  C, I embrace your goodness and warmth to build my new world upon.  CC, your humor will keep me sane.  And Suzie Q just you being you lifts my spirit. 

Once The Tears Dry

Once the tears have dried, I will remember the me before you
Once my tears have gone I will wipe my face and stagger on
Once my tears dry it won't matter how long I cried
It will matter that I have washed away the pain
When there are no tears and pain is fading as a snowflake
to water Where will I be, what shall I do?  I will do, and do
Find a smile in my soul, nurture the song of my heart
Once my tears have dried healing will be and I will find another Me

Silver Bells

Did you know that the candy cane was fashioned to represent the shape of the staff of the Shepherd?  That the evergreen is the official tree for the Christmas Holiday representing everlasting life?  The wreath represents unending life?

So many symbols that we take for granted and do not know the history of. 

That is why I love the concept of Kwanzaa.  Each Nguzo Saba has an everyday meaning which  is applicable in every day life.  Christmas feeds the spiritual and religious aspect of our being.  Kwanzaa helps me to focus on the practical pathways necessary to achieve balance and spiritual fulfilment.

The Silver Bells I refer to are the bells of harmony, and good faith for experience the best of this holiday season.  Blessed it be to all.

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is behind us and Xmas and Kwanzaa is in front of us.  My blessings are many but I have lessons to learn.

Family is the hot button to many emotions that separate to close and open bridges of miscommunication, irrelevance, stupidity and stubborness.  My family on both sides, are a complex intricate intertwined rubberbands that stretch and snap.  I was speaking with a nephew and he has always been the odd man out but I find him to be a wonderful man with a great sense of humor and insight.  His brother is very intense so compared to him he does seem flighty.  However, how do we swim in calm waters to a peace when perceptions are so disassociated from reality or truth?  That is the dilemna I have.  If you have never taken time to understand the man/woman our views are preconditioned from rumor, history and neglect.  Each of us has a unique, creative story that is our life.  Our story is who we are.  Your mother nor father knows every nuance to the You, the adult.  Our parents mold, shape and hope for the best from us and for us but our landscape is arranged by environment, experience, errors and rejection.  Family start us on the most important journey...life.  If I could ask for one family value over all others it would be TRUST.  Trust that your family has your back.  Trust that they want what is best.  Trust they will love you.  Trust that they see you as important.  Trust that in the end of days they will be there for you.

Nia-purpose.  The purpose of this writing is to purge my demons of unrealistic expectations of family.  I accept they will not easily trust.  I work at accepting that they will one day understand that secrets only dissolve friendships and do not strengthen family ties.  My journey for inward peace and comfort allows for my continued personal growth.  We all long to belong to something larger than ourselves..that is why we want family.  When we know we are in are rightful place it brings happiness and peace.  I am where I am suppose to be.

To my granddaughters..thank you for being born and continuing a legacy of women in our family.  I return to you my peace of heart because I will not have the strong bonds that I have always hoped for.

To my grandsons you are my light and my dark.  Both of you carry my heart and my more heart.  I miss you, and I love you forever.

My sons you are the light of my life and the excedrin headache that never leaves.  In each of you resides a piece of me and your father and the best of both.

My nieces..I wish you all the best and I can say I tried to reach out and embrace you.

My nephews.. all of you are a fine breed of men that I am proud to know and respect.  Love your sons, treat your daughters like queens.

To the R R R R--Florida crew,  you are the best.  Four of the most beautiful women I know although two of you are confused as to where life will take you..you will find your way.  To the oldest R whenever I leave this earth I will leave you something special.

Finally, family is never complete without the KING.  Not only is he the
B E S T, he is the spirit of goodness most days.  In his light and love I have grown.  He has loved me since I was 16 yrs old and he gave me wings and sometimes he clipped them but he always did it with love and understanding.  For those who never understood our relationship, we do not care, we understood and that includes family.  Family members who ever thought he was a pushover, ask anyone who knows Big B and they will tell you the truth.  Get familiar with a man that 100 out of 100 would just say "he's a standup guy"  That is why I love him.

Giving Thanks

Everyone runs to and fro making a comfy Thanksgiving feast.  What are we as humans thankful for?  First and foremost our lives.  As we live we experience many of the wonders the universe offers and I thank the God and Goddess who created the world for the magnificence he blessed this world with.  Sometimes I hope for more friends, a more caring family, a six figure savings but I know that the most important wish is for peace and tranquility.  I have been experiencing all of this since I relocated South.  Just the chirping of the birds in the morning or the smell of the air after rain.  One of the most pleasing aspects of relocation has been the lack of expectation by the  colleagues, family, and friends for me to do anything.  A year ago a good sisterfriend visited and we went to Duke Gardens and spent the day walking the gardens, lunching and being Southern divas.  Aah just the memory gives me a warm feeling. That is what I put in the basket of thanks.


Friends are a great thanks.  I met a irrevelant, smart, wicked sistergirl and what makes her so special is her wit.  She is down with a little country and a lot of honey in spiced vinegar.  My tooltime Diva! 


Family is a blessing for they are a part of your human map that is the same, yet different.  What if I was born to Alice Mae instead of Mary Lee, what if I had a brother instead of being an only child?  What ifs are flights of fantasy that are reality based longings.  Family is biological and extended and the extended are invited in to fulfill a gap that you have in the heart, or spirit.  I have filled my gaps with many wonderful extendees and bless each brother and sister.  They have filled me up over 30 years.

This Thanksgiving I am grateful for each one of you who has touched my heart and spirit and changed my life.

What Now?

The Supercommittee came to no compromise so What Now?  Americans do need to take to the streets.  President Obama is a man faced with the stubborn, racist men and women that believe by "any means necessary" we will protect the rich, undermine the President and trash the American economy.  Taxpayers from every class, race, culture and social conscientiousness must be outraged at this turn of event no matter how inevitable we knew it would be.  We no longer have to imagine what would happen if Congress and the President could not come to agreement..the living proof has been presented today.  I am still trying to understand why any sane man would not support a "fair share" tax increase.  I and many others conclude that this has to be about something else and that something is President Obama.  We can point out that it was President Bush who borrowed the trillions of dollars to underwrite the wars, we can continue to identify that  many of the culprits which set us on this path are Republicans but it does no good.  No good because wherein the Republican Party wants to do away with entitlement programs which assist the disadvantage, elderly and the seriously ill, they themselves feel "entitled" to every perk that America has to offer whether it be their birthrite, skin color, or their disdain of anyone not financially solvent. 

What Now?  Do the elderly just curl up and fade to black, do children don't eat but once a week, or do we take our outrage to the homes of the congressional leaders and share with them the moral and ethical outrage we are experiencing because of their lack of actions to be about the business of "All American people".  I say Occupy Wallstreet should become "Occupy ALL STREETS".www.facebook.com/mail

Bringing Justice Back

Two recent incidents is bringing back hope that the American Justice system can work.  Two verdicts have been overturned against INNOCENT black men.  Profiling, bias, prejudice and racism impact on the overall justice for men and women of color.  Whites do not see what we see, we never see what they see.  Rodney King being beaten and all of the men since then have justification for trying to get away from the police.  You are not just arrested but beaten to an inch of life or laid to rest.

With these two decisions and hopefully more to come, the american justice theater may have a chance to recover from the satirical farce that has been tauted as justice.  This is not saying that our legal system always is in the wrong but to say that when you go to the vertical discovery of issues often times interpretation, good police work, and untainted evidence can assist the D.A. in deciphering the real criminal.  I would suggest that good investigations, slow to judgment may play a greater role in making solid case presentations.

However, if we continue along this path there will be more innocent prisoners released and fewer incarcerated at the expense of the states.

It took a Village

As the first waves of the horrific details of abuse against the young men come to light in the Penn State saga I am sure that we realize the village may be gone.  There is no way that anyone can justify why they did not follow up on the discovery of sodomy against a child.  If Paterno was so great, this would have been his greatest success.  Saving a child from emotional and physical abuse. 

The saddness is deep in my heart because there was no advocate, no village to surround these young men and stand between them and the dragons.  I am always reminded that my youth was a village of wonderful men, women and children.  Maybe we were precocious but we knew when to scream. 

My amazement is that so many students even entertain the notion that in some way Paterno is not culpable in this atrocity.  What has happened to Americans?  Greed has eaten away our souls and nothing can come between us and football.

Ownership

Why is it that women claim ownership of a man, but few men claim ownership of women?  My man, my boo.  Why is it that women will fight over a man who is not in a real relationship with her and have his baby, buy his clothes and then say he is my man but he married to that "heifer".  That heifer does something right.  Men are a complex species and I think they are sometimes more complicated than we are.

Why would a smart brother with a contract for millions of $, young, gifted and unattached have unprotected sex knowing full well a baby can come of this and he will then be paying out of his ass for child support?  After Monica Lewinsky, Superhead,  and so many gold diggers, hoochees and drop it cause I think I'm hot women would a sane man who can command, ask, beg or request the finer and finest not see that you are being setup.  The one woman and man in your life, your mother/father, usually, wants what is best for YOU.  Why do our African American athletes feel that after the 9 months, and 18 - 20 years of nurturing, feeding, soothing you, your mama and daddy would try to tell you the wrong thing and this new coach will have your best interest at heart?  When the answer to some questions are answered or enlightenment occurs, money will be invested in your future, you will not be on the cover of Time or Ebony as the poor, broken down athelete who could not hold on to his wealth.

Ownership of any man or woman is not a good look for anyone.  NBA, NFL, MLB are contracts.  If you don't know how to negotiate, learn.  If you are unsure, ask.  A very wise woman from CUNY University once said "go with your first mind" that is your gut, instincts warning you.  Do not second guess yourself without fact checks.  As a mohter I do not know everything but I damn well know where to look.  Living large in material objects tends to have you living small in spirit, family, and relationships.

Ready for Some Idiots?

Hank Williams Jr. insulted the President of the U.S. and no one has a problem with that?  Last night CMA's made fun of Williams but underneath this humor is still an insult at the President.  Over and over newscasters, entertainers etc. refer to the President by his last name "Obama".  His title precludes us from using his first name and should be clear we should not use his last name as though he is one of the good old boys.  I do admit in some situaitons, not many, referring to President Obama by his last name can be appropriate.  However. as a rule it is rude and impolite and disrespectful. 

Hank Williams Jr. is a good ole boy who drinks too much, and thinks too little.  Under no circumstances should you compare anyone to Hitler.  Poor judgment or racist rhetoric?  Not sure, but very distasteful.  Underwood and Paisely surprised me because I thought they were more of a class act.  It takes nothing away from their entertainment value just refrains me from purchasing their cds.

The American Spirit

Thank you OHIOANS!

The spirit of America is definitely at work.  We want to work, we want a place that is safe, clean, and fair.  In 5th or 6th grade I learned of collective bargaining and unions that was American History.  Education is key because those who have never learned or forgot, America was built as an industrial nation because of the unions, hardwork and the ability to reject policies, and mandates which are counter productive to our health and wealth.

I believe both parties need to remember they are REPRESENTATIVES for the mass of people.  This is not their personal sandbox to allow and disallow playtime.  Capitalism is good but must be regulated so that Wall Street executives, or multinationals cannot just override what the masses would like and need.  When you think about it those who claim that if you are disadvantaged it is your own fault. Forget that if you do not have a working class you will not have this great nation  A farmer with no one to plow his fields, herd his cows etc. does not make money. OCCUPY WALL STREET has placed a laser beam on the disparity of not only the wealthiest class of persons but the lack of a moral and ethical compass that allowed their actions to go undetected.  When there are no regulations many will take advantage..  Bernie Maddoff did not scam these learned men and women without the blind eyes of  financial investors, weakened regulations and intimidated regulators.

Republican political representatives have done little to assist the mass of people that make the U.S. great.  Jobs that can be created by the government could decrease the jobless rate which would create additional jobs for subcontractors.  Whether left of right they have to realize that you can keep thinking you are the king or queen but if you have no subjects WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU?  Every right that has drawn and drained the blood of good Americans is being attacked.  What is sad is that those who have these opinions people constantly state that children are our future, we are doing this for our grandkids, but the first budget item to be cut is always education.  The unfactual, untrue and often times ignorant statements stated by presidential hopefuls tells me that they should be giving more to education because  their graduating class was clearly underserved. The statements that are not facts and should have been fact checked,  supports the position that the U.S. has been dumbed down. 

We still have the right to voice our opinions and OHIO was clear in one voice.

My neighborhood

The Sporting Life

How does our neighborhoods influence a child's life and choices?

The phenomenon of black America wherein we watch fine as wine black men and darker than a ripe berry women sport fashionable clothes and lifestyles that children gasp and try to emulate was called the Sporting Life.  Today the newest generation are our rappers.  I tried to mirror the clothes and the swagger.  The Sporting Life of our parents generation allowed the black culture grow men and women of means.  Our business elite, homeowners and the educated street folks who went on to higher learning.  On 169th Street in the Bronx there were 2 cleaners, 2 barbers, laundry mat, grocery stores, restaurants and a funeral parlor and, of course, The ever faithful bars.  Each of these businesses shared community rights to being "black owned".  That was my neighborhood. 

Ms. Cook, never knew if she had a husband, owned the building that housed her funeral home and "the Sporting Life Golf and Bar".  Before Tiger, these black men claimed to play golf every Sunday.  As I grew older I realized they may have gone to golf course for a few holes but the real fun began when they began their "extraordinary" stories of golf prowess which Tiger could never have competed with then or now.

In vivid color I remember watching the "zanzies", hustlers and others walk down those steps.  Fleeting dreams, high hopes and daily rejections.  Women in finest furs, just fox tails, but to a young girl they were faaabulous.

REALITY

These were number runners, ladies of the evening, wives, girlfriends and brothers or sisters wanting a good time, play the dozens or just stepping out.  When my chance came at the ripe age of 18...I was fly, I was ready.  I took my cute little butt over to Sterling's Den on Boston Road prepared to have the Saturday night I had waited years to step into.  My swaggering hips was going to catch the eye of some fine as wine man.  Oh yeah!  The reality, which I was not prepared for, smoky room, the smell of liquor, bodies and fried food.  The reality was those fine as wine, Cadillac driving men were potbellied old ass men, not the fine young studs I thought to meet.  Reality, everyone was a friend of my mama's and my stepfather.  In fact my stepfather saw me come in the door and waited his time for maximum embarrassment.  They marched my butt to the door so fast and kicked me and my teenage fantasy to the curb.  Years later I learned that my wonderful mom in her wisdom announced to the entire black male population in our community that no one had a reason to ever speak with Sheila and if you did you needed to come through her!  Ain't no pedophiles in this here girls life.  That is Black Woman Power.  Mary Lee, businesswoman, mother, divorcee and a Bama girl by way of being a Georgia Peach stood 5'1" tall but to me she was a giant in her community and she also had a wicked right hook. 

In conclusion, how did my neighborhood affect me to separate fantasy from reality, look beyond the obvious and stay the hell out of bars.

Sister in Spirit